Well, excuse me!

You can make them flippant. You can make them vehement. You can even make them while trying to smile while being arrested for drink driving at 3am. A hard earned hissy fit needs a long winded excuse. And they don’t get any better then these!

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Jan 4 2008 8:19PM                                                    ITALO BANCHERO / AP

ITALIAN SOCCER PLAYER MARCO BORRIELLO, RIGHT, BLAMED AN OINTMENT HE USED TO TREAT AN INFECTION ON HIS PRIVATE PART FOR A POSITIVE DRUG TEST RESULT.

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A tight jockstrap…

When Zambian tennis player Lighton Ndefwayl lost to his compatriot Musumba Bwayla in a local tournament, he had a considered and lengthy excuse for his defeat: “Bwayla is a stupid man and a hopeless player. He has a huge nose and is cross-eyed. Girls hate him. He beat me because my jockstrap was too tight and because when he serves he farts, and that made me lose my concentration, for which I am famous throughout Zambia.”

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I smell a cat…

Graeme Swann told police he had been out celebrating his birthday with friends when he returned home to discover his pet cat trapped under the floorboards. He said he then got in his Porsche Cayenne and drove towards a branch of Asda to buy a screwdriver when he was pulled over by a marked police car.

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England cricketer Graeme Swann told police officers he was going to the supermarket to buy screwdrivers to rescue his cat after he was pulled over for drink-driving at 3am, a court heard yesterday.

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Jan 4 2008 8:33PM                                                  STEVE HOLLAND /AP

GOT VEAL? CZECH REPUBLIC’S TENNIS STAR PETR KORDA HAD A POSITITVE DRUG TEST AFTER HE WON THE 1998 AUSTRALIAN OPEN BECAUSE HE ATE TOO MUCH VEAL.

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If your mum told you to jump off a cliff…

Shane Warne was sent home from the 2003 Cricket World Cup when he was found to have taken a banned diuretic. The Australian spin bowler admitted taking the substance – but was ready with a fine excuse for why he had taken it. Warne claimed his mother thought he looked too fat on television and so took the substance to tone up. But the ICC had no time for pushy mothers and banned Warne from one-day cricket for a year

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It's not BOTOX!!! Apparently.

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And last but not least

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Tony Abbott blames the Constitution on why he is not the Prime Minister. That and jock itch.

And the Greens.

And the Reds. And the climate. And the media. (*UPDATE!*) And economists. I think it’s time for another shandy mate. And its a good thing you are all warmed up too!

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A. Ghebranious   2011  (All Rights Reserved)