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Why The Rich NEED Bot-ox.


Marie Antoinette. When she still had her head.

I think we should all take a little time here and think about our aggrieved and much aligned fellows of the human race who have been getting a bad wrap since Marie Antoinette.

Firstly, poor Marie never said anything about cakes. Secondly as it turns out time is a lot more complicated than many realise.

See, the Earth sucks. Or rather it pulls down. Including time itself. A weird little jewish guy with a pen-chance for crazy hairstyles  had worked out that time really was a ‘confidence trick invented by the Swiss’. That last quote comes from a rather weird movie in its own right, but a very good one, called REMO: Unarmed and Dangerous (also know as Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins).

It all looks dated now, but at the time, it was fun. Where was I? Oh yes! Time. Albert Einstein must have really had a brain the size of a planet. Think what it must have been like to come up with theories and ideas so simple, and yet you can’t prove them as fact in your own lifetime because the science to do so has not caught up to you yet.

A man out of odds with his own times.

The latest of his theories that has been used abundantly by science fiction writers has recently been proven to be a fact. Say you had a twin he posed. And that twin climbed into a rocket and went into space and then came back. Einstein said when the twin comes back, he will look a lot younger than the twin on earth. Something to do with relativity and other big words and stuff. Just go with me and nod your head. But if you really need more info, here you go:

LOS ANGELES — Among the oft-repeated predictions of Albert Einstein’s famous theory of relativity is that if a twin travels through the cosmos on a high-speed rocket, when he returns to Earth he will be noticeably younger than the twin that stayed home.

Now physicists have demonstrated that the same is true even if the traveling twin is merely driving in a car about 20 miles per hour. But in that case, when the twin gets home from the grocery store, he is only a tiny fraction of a nanosecond younger, according to a report in Friday’s edition of the journal Science.

The reverse is often said to be true for a twin who spends time high on a mountaintop – general relativity predicts that time passes more quickly at greater altitudes because objects don’t feel the Earth’s gravity quite as strongly. But the physicists found that a twin who lives just about a foot above sea level will age ever-so-slightly faster than a twin living at the beach, too.

But wait! Didn’t he just say that the twin doing the travelling gets older? What is this about mountaintops??? Well it comes back to that relativity thingy which really is complicated and I do not in any way say I understand it. But in the case of travel, the two twins, one is in motion and one is not. However, what happens with height is a little different. In say the case both twins live in the same apartment building, then they are not actually in motion. So what would happen if one twin was to live on the ground floor and the other in the penthouse? Einstein theorised that the penthouse twin may enjoy a better view, but since he is further away from the pull of the earth’s gravity, he will actually age faster! I told you this guy was weird!

Anyway the effects are very slight and humans do not live long enough to actually be able to see the effect, so it remained a theory. Until now. Scientists have proven the theory true.  First, they had to make an accurate clock. Actually two of them. These are not your ordinary clocks and a heck of lot more expensive then a Rolex. Some thing more accurate than mere Atomic clocks. Clocks so accurate, its mind boggling. To prove or disprove Einstein’s theory, first we had to get good at making these clocks.  And that is what was done by the National Insitute of Standards and Technology(NIST)

NIST scientists performed the new “time dilation” experiments by comparing operations of a pair of the world’s best experimental atomic clocks. The nearly identical clocks are each based on the “ticking” of a single aluminum ion (electrically charged atom) as it vibrates between two energy levels over a million billion times per second. One clock keeps time to within 1 second in about 3.7 billion years ( and the other is close behind in performance. The two clocks are located in different laboratories at NIST and connected by a 75-meter-long optical fiber.

NIST’s aluminum clocks—also called “quantum logic clocks” because they borrow logical decision-making techniques from experimental quantum computing—are precise and stable enough to reveal slight differences that could not be seen until now. The clocks operate by shining laser light on the ions at optical frequencies, which are higher than the microwave frequencies used in today’s standard atomic clocks based on the cesium atom.

Optical clocks could someday lead to time standards 100 times more accurate than today’s standard clocks.


“During your daily life, you experience relativity,” said James Chin-Wen Chou, a postdoctoral researcher at the National Institute of Standards and Technology in Boulder, Colo., who led the experiments. “This (makes) science resonate with regular people.”

In the past, the phenomenon known as time dilation has been proven by studying what happens to clocks strapped aboard jets streaking across the sky or perched on rockets miles above Earth.

But the rules of relativity are always in force, even over the smallest distances and at the slowest speeds. The difference is that the effect is infinitesimally small.

In their paper, the NIST team reported that the second hand of a clock positioned about two-thirds of a mile above an identical clock near the Earth’s surface will speed up only enough to tick out three extra seconds over the course of a million years.

Tada! There you go folks! We can not deny the poor rich people any longer! We should stop demeaning them and making fun of them in gossip magazines!

If you are rich and have to live in penthouse suites all day long, then you NEED Bot-ox! Poor things.

A. Ghebranious           2010                All Rights reserved.

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From → Comedy, Science

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