The Art Of The Backflip

*To be read as if commentating at an acrobatics event with a slightly muted voice*

A hush descends on the audience as the first of the two leaders approaches the vault. She is about to perform a highly difficult backflip of her own design entitled “Mining tax? What Mining Tax?”; a difficulty 4.0 rating at least. The judging panel sits quietly to one side. One of the judges is sitting between the panel and the blue team. She indicates she is ready to perform.

Wait. There seems to be some interruption with her coaching staff. Some seem to be protesting this vehemently. Others suggesting she also include a triple parental leave attachment. Kevin seems to be lying in a pool of fake blood. She seems to be waving them all off.

Here she goes! Good strong run up. She hits the trampoline. Looks like she gained the height she needed but will she get the distance? I’ve never seen so many turns and twists! It looks like it’s going to be all up to how secure her landing will be. Oh. Very wobbly landing. She will lose marks there.

As we wait to see how the judges weighted that backflip, the second contestant is preparing for his backflip entitled “When I said Climate Change is crap, you have to understand that I don’t mean everything I say”.  A much lower difficulty backflip of around 2.3.

Again there seems to be a little problem with the coaching team. Looks like a previous contestant wishes to perform the Moving Pictures/Shannon Noll hit “What about me?”. Malcolm seems to have been calmed down and is being escorted away from the stadium. A truly dejected man.

Back to the contestant. Opting to not go for the budgie smugglers for this maneuver? Here he comes. He is running at this very fast. He hits the trampoline. He hit the trampoline too fast to generate good height, but he has covered a great distance! Again so many twists and turns. Is he doing what it looks like he is doing? Yes! He is changing into the budgie smugglers in mid-flight! Amazing! But again a very wobbly landing and marks will be deducted there.  

Well the audience waits with bated breath to see the marks given to them by the judges,  a nation stifles a yawn. Still. Whoever gets the prize, I think we can all truly say that the winner today has been politics. 

PS: Didn’t I stuff it up with the 2pp call yesterday! A day is definitely a long time in politics. And I think I will keep my political analysis to myself for a while!   

Doesn’t stop me from Laborious Liberal doses of satire. And it shouldn’t stop you Australia! You may not  get the government you want, but you always get the government you deserve.  

A. Ghebranious 2010                                       All Rights Reserved

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